3:56am…about 3 hours away from 7am Monday morning, which is 5pm Friday for me.  Sunday morning as I finally crashed, my body decided that the three or four hours of sleep I’d been getting every 24-36 hours wasn’t cutting it……so I slept through the entire day and woke up to the night.  I once had a conversation with a bartender in another part of the country about how neither of us trusted the “daytime” people….the 9 to 5′ers.  Frank Zappa felt the same way and in his book described their daytime activities as “scurrying”…you go out in the daytime and there are all of these people running around…what are they up to?  I don’t really know and I don’t think I want to know what all this scurrying about is supposed to accomplish.  Perhaps it has something to do with shopping?

Anyway, back here in the nocturnal world where everything seems to slow down, and the surreal seems normal….we’ve got the usual revolving door of freaks, prostitutes, drug dealers, strippers and sexual deviants.  A pretty tame weekend actually…..here are a few memorable moments:

A woman who asked for a certain type of device that I’d never heard of, designed to do something to the vagina that I do not know how to describe.  Told her that we sold balloons…would that work?

A cute girl….alone…..a definite rarity in this place.  We talked briefly….there seemed to be some chemistry there….and then….she paid for her merchandise and walked towards the exit.  I quickly tried to think of some witty way to get her phone number and all I could come up with was, “Hope that works out for you.” I’m an idiot.

A guy in a leather trench coat walking around the store….when he walks up to the counter he opens the coat up enough that I can see he’s wearing women’s underwear underneath.  Might have fazed me a few months ago, but now someone like this guy seems much more normal to me than the people who work at the bank.  “Nice bra” I say.

Another guy who tells me about this new device that is all the rage with women in Germany.  Apparently they spend 5-6 hours at a time strapped into this thing and no longer define their sexuality as straight or gay….they simply need nothing but the machine.  We discuss a future where men will become obsolete.  Perhaps we’ll become slaves of the superwomen of the future….only if the United States government doesn’t get us all killed first.

4:37am now…..come on Monday morning.  Have fun at work 9 to 5′ers!  Porn title of the week?  “BLOWJOB NINJAS 3″