Running the Gauntlet
Leaving work the other night, I espied a familiar sight on the sidewalk ahead of me: A group of young men wearing matching T-shirts and carrying clipboards. Solicitors. Before I could look down, the youngest-looking of the three made eye contact, and predictably, nay inevitably, called out to me as I approached.
“I hope you’re having a nice day…”
Before he could get any further into his spiel, I did what I always do at this point, which is to growl “Not today!” as I maneuvered around them and continued on my way. But instead of letting me go, he had to direct a shot to my back in a self-righteous tone of voice:
“I’m just wishing you a nice day, man!”
Which was precisely the wrong thing to do. Even though I am by nature passionately nonconfrontational, I stopped dead in my tracks, turned around and walked back to the trio. I gestured at my building.
“I WORK here, which–”
But I didn’t get a chance to get any further, because the more experienced of the three, a fellow with some very attractive plugs stretching out his earlobes, grabbed the younger fellow by the shoulders and hustled him down the sidewalk with a hurried “Okay-sir-you-have-a-nice-day” tossed back over his shoulder. Which left me fuming at nobody.
Damn chuggers.
Chugging, shortened from “charity mugging,” refers to a guilt assault by a charity canvasser. Their refrain is “Can I have 5 minutes of your time?” or “Do you have a moment to help sick kids?” Surely only an ogre would be unwilling to spare 5 minutes for a sick child. Except this isn’t a one-time request. Between groups like Mercy Corps, Children International, and Greenpeace, you will almost certainly not make it through a full week near Pioneer Courthouse Square without getting chugged at least once.
So, there I stood, furious. If I had had a chance to finish speaking, I would have told the young man that I work downtown, on a block that is regularly targeted by several organizations just like his, and that I get asked for my time on my way to lunch, on my way back from lunch, in the morning and in the afternoon, by people that see me as a walking dollar sign. And that over the last eight years of this my polite reply of “No thank you, not today” has become “Nope!” or “Not today!” because I’m just plain sick and tired of it. I would have also told him that the very last thing he should ever do is try to guilt trip someone just because they didn’t want to talk to yet another solicitor and help them meet their quota for the day. But I suspect his buddy with the plugs might have been planning on passing that wisdom on himself.
Frankly, I blame the British. Chuggers have apparently been making people’s lives miserable in the UK for years, after realizing that the tactic of applying street-level guilt is a rewarding one. Predictably, the resulting irritation began to alienate supporters, and by 2004 Greenpeace, believed to have been the first to introduce chugging to Britain in 1996, had decided they had to stop the practice to avoid irritating potential donors.
That’s all well and good for them, but how can we stop the practice here in Portland? Well, to begin with, DON’T TALK TO THEM. If you want to support a worthwhile cause I salute you. You are a good person. I suggest that once you get back to your computer, you find the website of your favorite charity and make a donation through PayPal. But don’t reward the low cost/high irritation method of using paid canvassers. Don’t cave in to the guilt assault on the sidewalk, because as long as organizations can make money using aggressive solicitation, they’ll keep on doing it. Why wouldn’t they? Right now the money they can make this way clearly outweighs the seethingly negative reactions they’re generating.
But we can change that. It’s time to cut them off. You don’t have to be mean, just be firm. Just keep walking.
Eventually, they’ll figure it out.
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“Chuggers”. I like that term.
I treat these requests with much of the same attitude as I treat email spam; they get filtered out. I try not to notice or make eye contact with them. If somehow they get through the filter, I interrupt them and tell them a flat “No” to whatever their pitch is.
If they go so far as to engage me, as this one almost did, I will just tell them, “You are the equivalent of spam, did you realize that? You’re an unsolicited commercial request, and I see your role as on the same level as Viagra sales or emails from exiled Nigerian princes.”
It’s not the person’s fault so I try not to get mad at them personally. I try. Oh, how I try.
Here are some responses I like to use, because I’m a jerk:
“Can you spare some change?”
“I don’t like children.” They will say, you were a child once. I say “and I didn’t care for me”
“I sold my sports car, live in a leeds certified building, and walk everywhere. How did you get here? What else do the polar bears want?”
“I’m from Philadelphia, we eat people like you”.
“Actually I’m sterile, I can’t have children. Thanks for reminding me!”
And the absolute best one, is:
“I’m already a member!”
That one will get you a high five.
I hate it when they try to touch you. The dread-headed patchouli-boys that hold out their left hand for a shake, while they shuffle feebly toward me. They get a sneer and an Archie Bunker-like “Get away from me!”
It’s gotten to where they rarely bother me anymore. For one thing, I look poor; that helps. Then there’s the fact that I look like I’m just itching to yell “Fuck the polar bears!” or “When was the last time *you* bought some starving kid a sandwich?”
I also like to visibly count the canvassers, do quick math and say, “Let’s see, four canvassers at $12 an hour each, that’s about $400 a day they could be sending to the starving kids…”
I only get snarky with the pushy ones. Same with panhandlers. Birds of a feather…
Damn, I feel better now! Rant over.
A google alert led me to your post, and I wanted to sympathize with your difficulty in finding reasonable, effective and non-violent ways of avoiding perhaps well-intentioned but seemingly ever-present charity solicitors on the street (and in the mall).
But as an AmeriCares staff member, I also wanted to plead innocent of the charge. AmeriCares doesn’t use canvassers to solicit contributions. But thanks for knowing enough about our international relief efforts in places like China, Darfur, Myanmar and the US to include us in a list of recognizable charities - we sometimes worry people don’t know about us at all.
Yeah, a few of the chuggers have not let me pass and I am one to get confrontational and they don’t bug me anymore. Seriously. They know who I am.
As an aside, a friend was accosted by one of them a year or so ago, got their name and called the company. The chugger was fired.
My day is totally made because I now have a name for these little street weasels - chuggers. Love it.
There has got to be a better way for these organizations to get their message out. Like one that doesn’t universally piss people off. Yesterday’s Farmers Market in the park blocks was infested with chuggers. It’s borderline harrassment at best.
I never talk to them if I can help it. And when I do I always ask how much they will earn for my signature and contact info.
Whenever anyone approaches me with a clipboard, I stil assume that somehow Bill Sizemore is behind it all.
Wait, do they actually get paid an hourly wage? My friend did an extremely brief stint with those Greenpeace fuckers and I could have sworn he said he only got commission.
I totally agree with you, PAgent. Actually, I now make it a practice not to donate to groups who use “chuggers.” And I’ve told a few that.
Occasionally, I will also use the “I’ve already donated” line. Sometimes I just want peace.
This is one thing I truly do not miss, now that my 30 years of working downtown is over. We don’t have chuggers out here in the suburbs, thank goodness. Thanks for reminding me of one reason I finally moved out. They can ruin an otherwise very nice downtown experience.
Originally Posted By Lee Weiner:
Lee, thanks for stopping by. I honestly remembered seeing “AmeriCares” on shirts worn by canvassers, and that’s why I included y’all on the list. However, I note that your organization is a Better Business Bureau Accredited charity, and that you meet the BBB’s Wise Giving Alliance’s Standards for Charity Accountability.
I’d hate to be responsible for giving your organization (which is doing really good things here and abroad) an undeserved black eye, so I’ve edited the post to remove the reference to AmeriCares.